A while back, I received a heart-wrenching email from a woman asking for prayers for her marriage. She had only been married for a few years but described her relationship with her husband as “totally broken.” The email didn’t get into a lot of detail, but it seemed fairly clear that the main source of pain was being felt in conflicts about their marriage bed.

She described how they started out being passionate about one another and passionate about living out John Paul II’s Theology of the Body in their relationship. But “all the theology of the body stuff” goes out the window, she lamented, “when you’re nothing but frustrated with your spouse all the time.”

All too often, Theology of the Body is reduced to a kind of Catholic sex guide, a way for married couples to enjoy great sex. As I’ve written previously, TOB is an education in what it means to be human. It’s an education in what it means to bed made in the image of God as male and female. It is an education in why we are here, what it means to love, and how to reach our ultimate destiny. Yes, it has profound, beautiful, and challenging applications in the bedroom, but no less so in every other room of the house … or the office … or the public square.

Through the lens of the mystery and meaning of sexuality, John Paul II’s TOB plunges us into “the perspective of the whole gospel, of the whole teaching, even more, of the whole mission of Christ” (TOB 49:3).

I responded to my sister in Christ with a heartfelt email in which I offered her a different perspective on this “theology of the body stuff”. I shared with her that this is when TOB needs to be put into practice the most. TOB teaches us how to love as Christ loves and that means learning how to suffer for the one we love so that one we love can be set free.

I told her that it sounded like they were struggling with deep wounds and that we are all desperately in need of the “new wine” of Cana if our hearts are to face these wounds honestly and learn how to grow and heal and love as we are called to love. And it AIN’T EASY!!! It takes us right to the Cross, to that “hour” when Christ showed us what true love demands.

I encouraged her not to avoid the cross, but to say to God, “not my will, but yours be done”. That is the sure path to learning how to love and, hence, learning how to live the theology of our bodies.

Most importantly, I told her to hang in there! Love takes us through many agonies, but leads also to even more intense ecstasies if we are willing to stay the journey and walk to, in, and through Calvary with Christ.

My email concluded with prayer and encouragement to seek help in the form of counseling.

So, what words of encouragement would you offer for a couple going through hard times?